When a loved one is diagnosed with a debilitating disease often times they have to rely on the help and support of someone else for their activities of daily living (ADLs). They may need someone to come over periodically to help them do things like shower, get dressed, cook, etc. Most times these diseases have a cure. Exceptions of course include diseases like Parkinson’s, Multiple Sclerosis, terminal cancer and in my dad’s case, Alzheimer’s disease.

Caregiving for a loved one can feel like a second job, particularly to those of us who are not yet retired. And there’s often a great sense of guilt when you cannot be there for them. That guilt leads to increased stress levels. Finding balance between your caregiving responsibilities and your personal desires and goals is often a major challenge for caregivers. So what do you do?

There’s one simple solution that seems like the hardest thing to do; and it’s three simple words: Ask for help. It sounds so easy doesn’t it? Well let me tell you, I understand that for us caregivers it isn’t. 

There’s a few things at play here. 

1. You don’t want to burden someone else with your responsibilities. 
2. You are afraid of the unknown. For me, I always question if the other person is going to provide the level of care.
3. You question how your loved one will respond to someone else stepping in. 

I’m here to say, “get out of your own way.” All of these things are governed by fear and a lack of control. 

My response to those fears: 

1. Often, there’s someone who wants to help but doesn’t know what they can do. Asking them can break that barrier. 
2. The other person may not do exactly what you do but that’s okay. We all have different ways of getting from Point A to Point B. As long as no malice or ill intent is involved, it will be just fine. 
3. Yes, your loved one may not fully understand why you are not there at the moment but the comfort of someone being there to help them will overcome their initial trepidation. 

The key to your liberation (even just momentarily) is simply to ask for help. Take the step, and I guarantee it will become easier the next time. Your body, mind and spirit will thank you for giving yourself a break.

Thoughts?